a jerk!!

the biggest jerk alive!! i'm saying sorry to my own self for admiting dis. but its the truth...dats me. no courage n no heart to face the truth. face u. i'm so sorry... i can't bear to see hurt in those eyes... if dis is stumble upon. i sincerely apologized for all the hell dat i've caused. i'm in no position to do anything. so white... its better u, urself f**k off..

" wat u see in me is dead.. sorry to u "

beautiful..

the surface is so cold and worthless
all the things that I have still come from there
so paint your windows in front of my face
when you know damn well there's
no one behind them
I wish your heart was not so warm to me
just so you know dat..
all it was was something beautiful..

when tides and dreams dont seem so tall at all
its me against the world still I'm losing ground
I'd kill to taste what it must be like
cause its every one of my empty parts
that you fill now
I wish your soul was not so warm to me
just so you know dat..
all it was was something beautiful...

pause silence
another moment dropped off
left behind and
hanging still
you won't see me
I can't see you
and..

all it was was something beautiful..

" thanx for the meet up monz.. "

a lil sumthing..

damn!!!!!!!

its been a while since i did this. hmm... hahaha. jus a brief recap.. lots of event has past. to say least.. smooth sailing.. all has been great. waiting for my days to be numbered. very soon, getting closer n closer. hahahha... can't wait though. aiming sumthing.. picking up sumthing. only time will tell...

leaving on a note.. every decision u make, big or small.. it will change ur life. so take some chances.. explore the endless secrets of life...

" there... how?? "

haizz

maybe the worst is happening..
slowly the true passion, the meaning of climbing is dying in the gym.. in our blood. climbing now.. is more abt winning, abt beating others. its no more abt fun n frenship. its no longer dat. pple claim dat they know what climbing is all abt.. but they haf no idea in depth wat it truly signify. maybe i, myself don't really understand the fullest meaning to the word climbing. but i sure know.. when it comes to climbing, its pure fun n it bring frens closer. maybe the thot of winning, the feel of winning has overwhelmed pple. its certainly a great feeling..no doubt. but pple are so obsess with this feeling that they don't realise its ruining them n their climb. pple are climbing for the wrong reaons n alwaes for the wrong reaons. but watever makes them happy. one thing for sure.. wat i can see.. those who climb for a few mths.. think they are superior n know much more better abt climbing den those who has been up n down on the walls for yrs. jus a point of view.. diff pple climb differently. if ur think dat u are stronger.. its makes u a better climber. well.. ur wrong. understand dat. jus its not the same as it use to. '02 n '03 batches.. u know wat i'm talking abt. miss those times!! thinking of ending it.. maybe i shld..

" its changing.. it is.. "

" can i?? "

dream or reality??

A DREAM:
to be the best?? better yet.. to be the best TP had ever seen. Be among the legends.. leaving behind a legacy dat would never be forgotten. batches down the years will hear n remember your name. even better be the best of the legends. is this dream possible?? can i??

White.. can you become that??

" can i?? "

al0ne i break

it gets the better of me again.. wats the use of me being there?? i was suppose to be the one who can be depend on. but i failed again. everytime dis happens, it won't be a pretty sight ltr on. the day will turn out bad.. am i to be blamed for all of dis?? maybe so. no use of compromising if i don't stick ot it. no use for me having dat title if i can't be there when needed most. god.. even in dis, i'm a failure. every misunderstanding, argument.. i lost a lil bit of everything dear to me. how long can dis go on?? when dis happens.. i run away to hide myself. hide it deep within myself. sori.. but climbing is wat i feel i do best now. be it passion or interest.. its in me n nothing can change dat. pls.. wldn't want to make a choice of out dis. sori for everything...

" selfish of me "

shattered

Now I see the times they change
Leaving doesn't seem so strange
I am hoping I can find
Where to leave my hurt behind
All the shit I seem to take
All alone I seem to break
I have lived the best I can

all my hate cannot be found

" thotless "

ain't sure

sori bloggie... been avoiding u. was caught up in lots of stuffs.

well well... slightly over 2 weeks wif no news from me. Pumpfest!! over!! The team did great.. congrats to those making it to the finals.. LIZ, IMRAN belo, XIN XIU n SAAD. For the rest.. congrats too, for putting up ur best performance. know u guys give it all.. no worries, there's next time.

back to my life!! well.. it started again. enuf of compromising.. it jus don't work out. need to see it from a diff angle now.. the same old shite n reason again. must i choose?? it a shitty feeling, can't i haf both? dats jus not possible i guess. jus haf to sacrifice the other to haf the other.. dat is how it has to be. due to dis shitness, drifted apart it may. maybe..time will tell. maybe.. still don't understand the each other's way. maybe.. lots of maybe. full of questions n curiousity. answers wanted.. action demanded. but where will it leads to?? happiness.. or plain sadness?? there are pros n cons to everything in life.. jus haf to deal wif it the best way we know how. in life.. things may not go our way at times.. dis is one fine example. lets talk?? it will jus be more complicated leaving dis hanging. waiting...

" lost in confusion "

wat i got to do??

yaw bloggie... wassup man.
things haf been real crazy inside.. inside where?? inside dis head of mine.. don't mind dat.
gotta let it out..
1stly, things are oready complicated. but wat u did jus ain't helping. its jus getting more n more complicated... BUT thinking again, can't blame u. u had all the right. a big haiz.. disappointed. wish u think b4 doing it... too late for dat
another shout out.. don't judge, don't think u know better. u haf no right.. even if u do.. think again. feel dat!!!

be patience wif me... not asking for much. jus want u to open up. sori if its hard.. i dunno y but jus haf to hear from u.. n know it from u. it kills me not knowing. know things ain't getting any easier.. its jus getting more challenging... need u more den ever. hand in hand remember. dats wat we do best. once u fall.. when i fall... its not gonna be a pretty sight. REMEmBeR DIS... i put u 1st.. don't.. pls try not to link u up wif wat i like. u are more den wat i like... u know it.. compromise k. its not hard... i dunno. its jus killing me.. argue not a nice thing. start the day wif a smile n end it wif a smile. but ending it wif a cold gd bye jus don't feel rite. its not right.... plss!! us. ahhhhhhh.... random thots.. random shite.. pllssss.. u know i'm better den dat... i'm sori...

" crazeeeeeeeeeee "

YOUR day!!!!

HAPPY BDAE TO U... HAPPY BDAE TO FAZLI.. HAPPY BDAE TO U!! Well well... another 20 yr old joining the gang. now u are in my league bro!! hahahahha... enuf crap. aite bro, happy bdae aite... been wif u for a little over 2 yrs now. we grown close... close like gays.. close like bros.. close like family. thru thick n thin bro, we tite. so i wanna wish ya.. all the best for ur future plans, do wat u feel is right for ya n be happy!! dats important. happy bdae again bro... love ya.. i'll be right here along side ya..
HAPPY ADVANCED BDAE... HAPPY BDAE.. HAPPY BELATED BDAE!!!!

" its ur day.. so njoy it!! "

loving TPSC

date 21/04/05... thursday
was a very special day for me. my family of fellow climbers did sumthing dat i didn't expect anyone would do. so thanx guys!!! Love the surprise!! love the cake... cookies n cream ice cream cake, my favourite!! love the peepz!! hahahaha... kudos to those who plan it all... in my eyes everyone played a part. Up till now... i still in disbelieve what happened back then. Even my scope brader, dzul pendek came down. hahaha, jus had to say dat... once again thanx to TPSC(including hatta n hafiz). Appreciate it lots guys... best bdae ever by far!!!! thank you so much!!
to: Fazli, Liz, salman, nad, dada, ahmad, hatta, yathy
thank you guys for the present... love it!!! love u all...

" thank you "

soon...whitey

I tried to be perfect
But nothing was worth it
I don't believe it makes me real
I'd thought it'd be easy
But no one believes me
I meant all the things I said

If you believe it's in my soul
I'd say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I'm better off on my own

This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don't know how it got so bad
Sometimes it's so crazy that nothing can save me
But it's the only thing that I have

I tried to be perfect
It just wasn't worth it
Nothing could ever be so wrong
It's hard to believe me
It never gets easy
I guess I knew that all along

" on my own "

MY DAY!!!

HAPPY BDAE TO ME... HAPPY BDAE TO WHITEY.... HAPPY BDAE TO AZMI!!!! yeah yeah.. leaving the life of the teens n entering the life of the twenties. damn.. time really flies fast. 20.. dats how old i am.. still can't believe it. new challenges, more experiences n still a whole more learning abt ways of life that i am blessed wif. so bring it on!!!!.. taking it each day at a time. lets go!!
thanx to those who wished me.. it means a lot guys. love ya all.
thanx again bro.. for dat post n those pics bring back sweet memories.hahhaa

" happy bdae white... "

get it??

think... think again. if u think dat wat u think u can get. den u thinking wrong. so y don't u jus think again.. n think where did ur thinking went wrong. so start thinking...

" lost?? think again "

patience

i don't believe that anybody feels the way i do abt you now... thru words n actions, i'll be here...

" not to worry "

dun be afraid

it may be unfair, it may be hurtful. but stay strong n believe.. it will be alrite remember the saying, if want it to last long, den it will. dat its how it shld be. stay n truthfully feel, hopefully all will go the way dat is wanted. no matter wat.... believe it

" patiently by soul, loving by heart "

we.. us!!

hey hey.. jus sumthing i got to say. WHOLESOME=TPSC. yeah!! u read it rite. we bring every meaning to the word wholesome. boulderactive 2005 shows our strong bond. if ure not there, u miss out on sumthing great. there.. u find frens who are willing stand in the rain, waiting hrs jus to see our climbers climb n cheer them on... giving them the support they need. u peepz are great!!! u jus haf to wish u were there!! serious. ALE TPSC!!! lots of love

" we kaopeis.. we tight!! believeee dat!! "

will be

complicated as it seems... hand in hand, it can be done. all dis is taken as a blessings. one can nvr ask for anything more. contented n very happy wif all dat has happened so far. afraid and scared as can be... who knows forever is really wat its meant to be. losing will nvr be, if wanting is wat each truly desire. me here, patiently by soul, loving by heart...

" it feels rite "

aByEbY

well well... back to my bloggie. wassup.. jus typing randomly. nothing much to update. things haf been goin smooth for me. no worries as of late. life this past week has its ups n downs. dats normal.. everyone goes thru it. a shout out.. thanx!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*big smiles* i know n i know.. dat u dunno but someone knows ~peace~!! lots of loves

" hope it last "

to whoever.. watever!!

well well... its been weeks till i last enter the dome. my so called 2nd home.. the rock gym. it seems that things are not the way it is used to be. been hearing lots of stuffs.. well peepz, to say the least... haf all of u heard both side of the story or jus blurt everything abt how u feel. is dat fair, if